Music: Jake Bugg
Studying the stars and numbers is just so incredibly beautiful to me. Astrology and numerology have become great fascinations. All the mumbo jumbo of horoscopes and numerology readings in newspapers and magazines may seem incredibly vague, but I don’t really care. I like to believe in the unbelievable.
It’s raining again like it has been most of the week. Rain, my fourth love, always puts me deep in thought. It makes me wish things–impractical things. I wish I had someone to play in the rain with me. It sounds cheesy now that I’ve typed the words; everyone is so uptight here sometimes, and I just want a person who doesn’t give a fuck about any of the stupid things that occupy our minds. I wish….I wish I didn’t get so angry over things. I wish I didn’t take my anger out on the people I love. I wish it wasn’t so hard for me to apologize. I wish I could organize my thoughts. I wish soooo many things.
Tables have turned. Well, maybe I gave them a nudge, but still.
There is this guy. He’s not even close to perfect. He has this smile and this obsession with Vans and pandas and pizzaHe’s so goofy and oddly incredibly sentimental. He has shaky hands and brown eyes. And he said I was beautiful. And when he said I was beautiful, I didn’t believe him. I don’t think he knows how much that meant. It drives me close to insanity–sometimes close to anger. I don’t think it meant as much to him as it did to me. Maybe I’m being a bitch again.
My fingers tripped over the keys of the keyboard.