I’ve always said over and over again that I could not wait to kick up dust and say “au revoir!” to this town. Only today had I felt a pang of discomfort. This town is so small and the world is so damn big and I must sound like a loon. I know I do. You’re probably like DUH! I just never realized how many people are EVERYWHERE. I can hardly walk down the halls of my high school without cursing.
And then thought of new people and new stuff and basically once you’re in college a whole new fucking life. You actually have to function like a person by yourself.
Heh, I couldn’t if I tried. Hm, I just really want to meet some cool people which would entirely erase the horrible people here clean from my memory. I’m a bitch sometimes. Well not a bitch, but a total ass. I can’t help it. It’s just comes naturally.
But I did read this quote that said, “The ones who laugh at everything are the ones who are deeply sad or depressed or something”. I can’t remember clearly but it made me analyze myself. I hate when that happens. I don’t know if I truly have that problem or if I’m diagnosing myself off of an idiot’s thought of the day.
Oh, and I’m going through this phase. I’m hoping it’s a phase. It’s the “I don’t give a fuck about anything or anyone because it’s all stupid” phase. I’ve had this for a while now. Plus, I don’t seem to be attracted to ANYONE. And when I say no one, I mean no guys have even crossed my mind. I don’t know if I’ m a lesbian or what. I know I’m not, but I often say I am just for the hell of it. Like I give zero fucks anymore.
Heh, I have this one acquaintance who claims she’s over this guy when I know she’s really not, so whenever she mentions something about him I tell her to shut up because I don’t want to hear it. Of course she’s butthurt, but do I care? Not even the slightest.
The only person I truly feel bad about abandoning–well not abandoning. The only person I feel bad about just completely not talking to and shunning is this one girl I’ve known for quite a while. She gave me this Valigram thing and I was like shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. This person actual gives a fuck. Still, I didn’t even take the opportunity to “rekindle”,”reunite” the friendship.
Now I outright tell people that I don’t talk to them
because I don’t see the value of actually being around them. LMAO. I’m laughing so hard at myself. I need medication, heh. But the upside to all this is that yeah, I’m actually okay in a psychotic way.
I just hope everything in my head works out ya know? I know it’s probably impossible, but I hope it goes the way I want. It being my life. Well not my entire life, but the first year away from home.
I’d like to go to London so I can meet a hot, pale English lad. Or or I could go to New York, Chicago, or Portland and meet the gods and goddesses of all the Hipster Kingdom.