I am now at the part of the book, The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green, where Augustus Waters dies. I am in tears. I am a wreck. I am utterly ruined. I do not have words to explain my state. And you’re probably thinking I’m a loon because who cries over a fictional character?


I do.

 Because stupid, amazing, lovely John Green made the scribbles on paper real, so REAL. Augustus Waters and Hazel Grace are real people to me. They are alive. They are flesh. And Augustus has died and I can’t finish the book. I just can’t. All I can do is cry and have this aching pain in my chest every time I think of Augustus and something great he had said or done and then have to remember he is dead. Shoot, I’ve been crying ever since he had “lit up like a Christmas tree” and when Hazel started calling him stupid Gus and when he had to be in a wheelchair and when they all read their eulogies to him and he edited them. His body was cancer. It’s not fair. Why do beautiful people have to die? And I had the illogical thought that John Green might put a twist in the book where when Hazel kisses his cheek while he’s in the casket that he might come back to life like in Disney.

It’s not fair. I’m going to rewrite the book like Augustus was going to write  an ending for An Imperial Affliction for Hazel. I’m crying even more now because that’s just too much for me. I can’t rewrite what I’ve read because it just wouldn’t be the same. I won’t have the same spirit or vibe. I’d have ruined Hazel and Augustus and Issac and stupid Monica. Is this how Hazel feels about An Imperial Affliction?

I can’t read anymore. My mind won’t allow me. I’m mourning over a FICTIONAL character.

Augustus Waters was just as much mine, and all the other readers, as much as he was Hazel’s.

I’m crazy.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s