Hi there beautiful c: Yes, you. Today I’d just like to talk a bit about stuff. Random things. I guess that’s no different from all of my posts XD.
I’m in one of those moods where happiness can’t even describe my state.
Nothing could take the smile from my lips or the little flutter I get when thinking about how everything is okay and maybe it won’t be for long but for right now, nothing could ever phase me c:
I suppose that’d be a swell definition of me.
Absolutely absurd and not entirely worth calling beautiful.
Not in a bad or sad way, just, at this moment, I haven’t found that person who sees a beautiful thing in me. Just a fact. But to think that maybe, in the future, I’ll be with the person that loves me simply because I am me…is such a beautiful thing.
And I’ll sit here and wait forever and a day if I have to like the hopeless romantic I am, for that person.
I’m stupid ahah, I’m so hopeless XD
The manner I think in, no one seems to understand. Even my family, the people I’ve grown with, are absolutely dumbfounded by the things I say and write and do.
And that’s what constantly frazzles me. The thought that maybe, just maybe, the things that I do and say, my actions, my actual self, is what will keep me from being with anyone.
Yet, I’d never change myself for another person. Cliche, yes. I don’t know how other people do it. I just can’t force myself into becoming something I’m not in order to please another person. What a joke.
And I suppose I’m typing all of this out of the corners of my brain that I haven’t let see the light. School is starting back up tomorrow. I rue the very day. To have to go to a place everyday, five days a week, where you’re surrounded by people who could care less about you, surrounded by people who have compromised themselves, surrounded by people who shove things down your throat and expect you to swallow and not choke on the BS, surrounded by people who dislike variety of any kind and think little of the ones who don’t fit their standards…
can be the worst of times.
But I guess that’s life, ya know?
I’ve learned to be absolutely calm in spite of the things around me.
I build this wall, where I don’t let anyone too close, smile a bit, and go on my way. This may sound crazy and anitsocial and what not but there aren’t many people I’d like to be close with around here. The few people I do like, are all preoccupied with their lives. Too busy for mere peasants such as me XD ahah. It’s my fault I guess. Live in the moment right?
And recently I’ve been asked this question many times, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
My answer every single time:
No one, in my entire life has approached me in any manner whatsoever about wanting me as their girlfriend.
“Well, maybe you need to put yourself out there.”
And then I exploded into a million pieces XD. I remember when this girl told me that and it took all the power within to just walk away and not tell her off. “Put yourself out there.” What the heck does that even mean? I don’t chase people. I don’t vie for the attention of others. I don’t go LOOKING for attention. Grinds my gears.
If I see a guy and he’s perfectly happy with the people around him, I automatically think
“How could I add to that happiness? How would I fit myself into his group of friends?”
And then I let the thought pass and laugh at myself for even thinking about being with that guy.
Yet another setback.
I laugh within myself whenever I see multiple girls dueling one another for attention from a guy not worth half their time, yet somehow those are the girls every guy wants. The loud, big mouthed girl with other large assets XD ahah.
I hope you had a great day and all. Sorry you had to read all that XD.
May the odds forever be in your favor.