Could it be? Could it be that I’m actually okay? I don’t feel down in the dumps. I don’t feel sorry. I don’t feel like a lost cause. My mother told me the other day, as always, that I’m beautiful. “You really are pretty.” She says. I just shake my head. “No I’m not.” Then she hits me playfully. “You are if you’re my child.” And we laugh. What a cheesy moment right? The cheesiest 80s movie moment. Cheesier than that time in Sixteen Candles when Samantha Baker was talking to her dad about her huge crush on Jake Ryan.*Yes, I love 80s movies by the way. The more ridiculously performed, the better.* It made me feel a little better about myself, I must admit. I must stop being a wanker and actually face life , I guess. No time to shove stuff under the rug. So if I’m starting new. Here a few things I’d like to let go of.
1. Yes, I am absolutely self conscious. I might not show it or act like it. But I am. And I’m almost over it.
2. I have thought of horrid things to do inflict upon myself, but haven’t had the guts to do them. I too am over this notion.
3. I’m sorry to everyone. I’m just sorry. If I ever did anything horrible to anyone at all. I am sorry.
There we go. I’ll start with those three things. Maybe I’ll have the balls to let go of other things later. I am okay. I will be okay. I will be fine.
Man’s real life is happy, chiefly because he is ever expecting that it soon will be so.
Edgar Allan Poe