Pathetic Excuse of a Town

I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I just feel like going away permanently. For good. I want to yell and cry at the same time. I want to jump off a building, kick my wall in, never come back. My heart hasn’t ached this bad. I’m the idiot, naive 15yr old with no friends and no love. I wish I could say what I feel. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to say. If it weren’t for the grace of God, I would have done it a long time ago. My mom says I’m selfish. My dad says I need to learn to feel. They love me though and I know I love them back but it’s really hard to love. There I go feeling sorry for myself again when there are people out the world who has it ten times worse. Yes it may just be teen angst but to heck with it. God. I need…what? I just need something that’s stable. Stability. My parents have their mood swings. My siblings have their own dealings. My “friends” have their lives. Breathe…am i depressed? No. Just misplaced. I feel horrible for feeling this way when the things around me couldn’t get any better. I walk into a room and he lights up. My dad buys me stuff that I don’t even need. I know I have been through this already. I guess I just need to learn to shut up.


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