Certain Moments

Don’t want to throw myself my own pity party, but geez, I really do think I mess everything up. I say the wrong things at the wrong time. I do the wrong things at the wrong time. I probably don’t have any friends. I’m way too emotional on the inside. Everything leaves a scar. A complete stranger could talk complete chiz about me and I’d take it like a true warrior. If one of my “friends” abandons me in the hall I also take it like a true warrior but bruise my heart. I guess I just hate how I put so much trust in some people and they just trample all over it. I hate yelling, and confusion, and arguing.  I must be a true hypocrite because I do all those things and more. There has got to be something wrong with me. I have these spazzy depressive moments where I don’t want to even look at anyone. I think too much. I think too hard. I overuse apologies.  At night I look up at my ceiling, listening to music, reeling about everything; guys, God, Biology, Jesus, my friends, the future, my family, the end of the world, what I’ll wear tomorrow, world hunger, global warming, that one funny thing that happened a while ago, etc.
Have you ever had one of those deep moments where you over analyze stuff and wish you would’ve done something a wee bit more reasonable? Well, that’s basically how I think. I’m either too far ahead in the future or stuck in my own world. People aggravate me when they worry about material things or become something they’re not. A certain person I know won’t let go of what’s tearing her apart. Why keep something that’s no good for you? I guess it’s her one stupidly shameful desire. People try to be other people when in reality, the only person  you can be is who you’re born as. People just walk in the footsteps of others and I don’t want to be one of those people. Some people need to just realize that no, life isn’t a chick flick, a Disney show, a sit-com or MTV. Some people should just face the world and get beaten down or “man-up” and face it head-to-head. It’s so hard for me to be me and some people around me just don’t realize it. High school is probably going to tear me to shreds but hopefully in the end I’ll be the bigger person. And yeah, I know that I don’t have it as bad as the rest of the world. I know it could be worst. I’m truly thankful to God that it’s not. I’m truly sorry if you’ve got the worst of things. Comment, follow, whatever. See ya.


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